


Alone

by MirandaRoseOfSkywall (lostinmymindforever)



Category: Warcraft (2016), Warcraft - All Media Types, World of Warcraft
Genre: Angst, Heartbreak, Implied/Referenced Incest, M/M, no happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-03
Updated: 2016-08-03
Packaged: 2018-07-29 03:17:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,426
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7668100
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lostinmymindforever/pseuds/MirandaRoseOfSkywall
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He shouldn’t feel the way he did, not knowing what he knew.</p><p>And yet… and yet he couldn’t stop feeling how he did. He couldn’t stop loving the one person he knew he could never have.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Alone

Alone.

So alone.

He’d been by himself for far too long.

He’d done this to himself, locked himself away in his tower, but at the time it had been better than admitting how he felt.

He shouldn’t feel the way he did, not knowing what he knew.

And yet… and yet he couldn’t stop feeling how he did. He couldn’t stop loving the one person he knew he could never have.

So he stayed alone in the tower, losing himself in his books, blocking out the outside world.

-

He should have known _he’d_ come for him. He knew the man, knew how stubborn he was, knew that not even the wards and traps he’d set up would be enough to keep Lothar away from him. And part of him wanted Lothar to find him here, to break through the walls he had build so high around himself, to drag him out of the tower and back to the city they had met in.

Lothar was still at the bottom of his tower, the tower he had taken over after the death of its last inhabitant, and yet knowing he was there sent a jolt down Khadgar’s spine. He shouldn’t want Lothar to find him, not with how he felt about the man, not knowing the truth that not even Lothar himself knew, and yet his pulse quickened and he felt more alive than he had ever felt in months at the knowledge that Lothar had come for him.

But still Khadgar knows he shouldn’t feel that way, if Lothar knew what he knew… Khadgar saddens at the thought. He knows Lothar wouldn’t understand, that he’d be disgusted at himself, at Khadgar, if, no when he learns the truth.

Khadgar realizes he’d let himself get lost in thought as he can hear Lothar’s footsteps approaching him. He can hear Lothar’s breaths, coming in heavy pants, and realizes that Lothar must have run up the many stairs to come and find him. Khadgar closes his eyes, not wanting Lothar to see the tears he knows are running down his face.

“Aren’t you going to say anything?” Lothar finally asks, stopping within feet of Khadgar’s seated form.

“Hello, Lothar,” Khadgar says, and his voice sounds shaky and broken even to his own ears.

“Spell-chucker, what are you doing here? Why did you leave Stormwind?”

The hurt in Lothar’s voice makes Khadgar open his eyes and look at the man, and a fresh wave of tears fall from his eyes, “I couldn’t stay.”

“Why not? What happened? I thought...”

“It can’t be, Lothar, it can never be.”

“Give me one good reason why not!”

“Because I’m your son!” Khadgar shouts, getting to his feet, pacing around the room. “Because I found out that you’re my father, that’s why!”

Lothar just looks at him in confusion, his mouth opening and closing as if he wants to say something but can’t figure out the right words to say. Finally he seems to snap out of it, “You’re my son? How? When? But?”

“I’m a year younger than Callan would be… you know that… I… I don’t know all the details, I just… I had to leave, when I found out, when I learned that fact… I couldn’t stay, not… not feeling like I do about… it’s not right… I...”

Lothar can see the hurt in Khadgar’s eyes, “Khadgar… we could have worked through it. We could have...” and he trails off because he knows his words are a lie.

“It’s for the best. I can’t be around you, not now, I’m not sure about if ever. I don’t trust myself.”

“Khadgar, you don’t mean that.”

Khadgar turned quickly to face Lothar once more, moving so swiftly that the older man barely had time to react. He was inches away from Lothar, so close they were practically touching, and he spoke, “Even knowing that you’re my father I still want you. And I know that if I’m around you too much that feeling isn’t going to go away, that it is only going to grow. I’m sick, dirty, wrong. You don’t need that sort of perversion in your life.”

Lothar grabbed Khadgar’s wrists, pulling him the last few inches towards him. As their bodies came in contact he whispered, “I don’t care. I know I should, I know that this is wrong, but I still want you. You think I’m going to let you go now? You think I’m going to let the person I love, that I’m in love with walk away from me when I know the feelings are returned?”

“Lothar, we can’t,” Khadgar said in a quiet voice, but found the words sounding hollow in his ears, he knew he could easily escape Lothar’s grasp but found himself unable to do so. “We shouldn’t. This is wrong,” and yet Khadgar felt himself press close against Lothar’s body, a moan passing his lips at the feeling of Lothar’s hard cock.

“I don’t care. And neither do you, not really. You want this just as badly as I do,” with those words Lothar let go of Khadgar’s wrists, moving his hands to cup the mage’s face in his palms.

“Light yes,” Khadgar heard himself moaning and felt his hands grab at Lothar’s clothing, trying to pull him even closer to himself. He wasn’t sure which one of them initiated the kiss, but it felt so good and right and pure that Khadgar felt on the verge of tears once more. He was gasping when the kiss ended, and repeated once more, “This is wrong.”

“Do you want to stop?” and Khadgar knew that if he said yes Lothar would indeed stop, and this would never happen again.

Khadgar knew Lothar deserved the truth and he said, “Never. I can’t give this up, can’t give you up. I lied to myself for too long, told myself if I stayed away everything would be fine, but I know that’s not true. I want you, need you too much.”

“Thank the Light,” Lothar breathed. “I would have respected your wishes… but it would have killed me inside.”

“Lothar… Anduin… Father, I need you,” Khadgar whispered against Lothar’s lips, arching against him. He could feel Lothar shudder with want when he called him “Father” and decided to keep that in his memory for future reference.

-

Khadgar sat up in bed, looking around for Lothar and then realized the truth, he’d been dreaming. That same dream once more, the same dream he’d had every night for years now, the same tantalizing dream that teased and aroused him and then ended like a bucket of cold water being tossed over his body.

He climbed out of bed and passed the mirror, looking at his reflection briefly. He was an old man now, older than Lothar had been when he’d been killed in battle. He’d never told Lothar the truth, never told him why he had pulled away from him, why he’d stopped their relationship before it even started.

His cousin knew though, Khadgar wasn’t sure how, but Varian, his cousin and King, had figured out the truth of his being Lothar’s son years prior, and when Khadgar had returned from Outland he had been ordered to live in the castle by his family. Everything there reminded him of Lothar, reminded him of the man he still loved, the man he could never be with, the man whose death still haunted him to this day. Part of him found a sick sort of amusement being part of an order called the Sons of Lothar when that was what he really was, a son of Anduin Lothar.

Khadgar knew Varian didn’t know everything, and for that he was eternally grateful. He couldn’t bare to see the disgust he knew would be present if Varian ever found out how he had felt, how he still felt about his father. Maybe returning to Karazhan would be for the best, maybe hiding himself away from the world with his secret shame would be the best thing he could do, but he stayed in Stormwind surrounded by constant reminders of what he almost had had and what he could never have.

And every single night he had the same dream, Lothar coming to him, Lothar not caring that Khadgar was his own flesh and blood, Lothar returning his love, and before anything could happen it would end, reality would crash down upon him once more and he would be alone.

-

Alone.

So alone.

In a city filled with many people he was always alone.


End file.
